Before we begin, let us go down memory lane. How was school for you? Was it fun? Was it stressful? Was it fun and stressful? Was it a blur? Was it Meh?
Regardless of how school was for you, the reality today is that our children are having to deal with a lot more than we had to deal with. For the regular child today, school can be stressful. Our children have to deal with waking up earlier than we did, more homework than we had, complicated friendships, constant bullying – whether online or offline, new teachers, new students, exams, extracurricular activities, school duties, early wake-ups, long school bus rides. And then there’s our expectations. We want them to act right, perform well in academics and excel in sports. I don’t know about you, but this feels stressful.
So how about we start with – school is not automatically FUN for most kids and we really need to take a moment and empathize with our children. With this very important fact in mind, here are the five things that our children need to support them to thrive in School.
Structure
The first S is structure. Children thrive when they experience structure. Truth is, a clear routine cuts back on the incidences of reminding, nagging and the power struggles we have with our children. So it is important that our children have structure. Peharps an even important question is, how can you structure an effective routine? Here are a few things you can do:
- Schedule a family meeting and discuss the routines. Even the 2-year-old should be part of the meeting.
- During the meeting, make a list of all the things that need to be done to prepare for school.
- Divide the list into – what can be done the night before and what can be done in the morning. For example, doing homework, packing sports clothes, packing all the books – these are things that can be done at night. This gives room for the things that can only be done in the morning.
- When it comes to implementation, let the structure speak for itself. For example, when your child shows up for breakfast without a full school uniform on, do not feel guilty sending them back to their room.
Set Them Up for Success.
Our children need our training and support more than our reminding and commanding. Setting up our children for success means supporting them to be successful, as opposed to catching them when they have made mistakes. How do we do that?
- Support your children in preparing a checklist for the evening and a checklist for the morning. You can make it creative for younger children. For example, cut out pictures for brushing teeth, having breakfast, etc., rather than using words.
- Get them an alarm clock that has a timer so that they can countdown.
- Have a designated place for all school stuff – books, jackets, umbrellas, sports kits.
- Have a designated place for homework. Make sure it's an area with minimal distractions
- Let them have a say in some choices – e.g. let them choose their own breakfast once or twice a week. This fills up their need for control
- Make a conscious effort to catch them doing good, and not just when mistakes occur.
Stay Away From Rescuing
A child who always forgets has a parent who always remembers. When we rescue our kids, we rob them of the opportunity to learn a valuable lesson about personal responsibility. I welcome you to not spring it on them. Remember the goal here is not to make them feel bad about it, but for them to learn. To achieve this,
- Schedule a meeting to plan on how best they can remember.
- Allow a grace period for learning and adjusting, after which you enforce the policy with firmness and kindness.
- Bring the necessary people on board. This can include the nanny, teacher, parent coach. For example, inform the teacher about unfinished homework so that they give the necessary consequences. Most schools will be delighted to be part of this process.
Schedule in TIME FOR CONNECTION
Our children respond to us better when they feel connected to us. They need to feel emotionally connected, and they will do anything to have their emotional buckets filled – including negative behavior. So we need positive ways to fill their need for attention. To to do this:
- Schedule in time for connection. Do not just let it happen randomly. You can work it into the activities of the day such as bath or bedtime story.
- Make sure each child gets a dose of one-on-one time with you at some point during the week. Strive for a minimum of 10 minutes; 3 times a week; one-on-one doing an activity that they enjoy.
Self-care/Self-awareness
As a parent, it's important that you find time to care for your needs. This can include a healthy diet, enough rest and emotional care – SPIRIT, SOUL AND BODY. More importantly, find a community to parent with. You cannot do this alone, not even with your partner. How can you achieve this?
- Create a network of parents with whom you can pool together for pick-ups, drop offs, when you need a break.
- Create or look for a safe space to be authentic about your parenting struggles. This can be a parent group, working with a parent coach or joining an online parenting program.
- Ask for help when your child just needs an aunty or an uncle to drive a certain point home.
Remember, we all need a village, and our children thrive when the adults in their village are working together.
With these five tips, I hope that THE school experiences for you and your children will be healthier, smoother and more fun. What do you feel about school? Success? Failures? Teachers? Contact us for one on one support in redefining what school success can look like for your children and navigating through your different faces, and phases of parenting.