What image comes to mind when you think of ‘gentle parenting’?
I don’t know about you, but as a Mum of a 15 year old strong willed child, I have had my fair share of push-backs and attitude and flat-out defiance ... .and the description of ‘gentle’ is far from how I tend to show up during those moments.
I have seen a lot of funny memes on gentle parenting…many of them clearly showing just how unattainable it is….especially on a Tuesday morning when you are trying to get everyone out the door in good time…and nothing seems to be working.
One sock is missing. Homework was not completed. We want the red cup, not the blue one. And not to forget the snarky attitude from your pre-teen.
Reminds me of a meme I saw that says -
I try gentle parenting, but my child don’t be gentle child-ing…
Sounds familiar?
I looked up the synonyms for the word ‘gentle’…and here is a sample of what I found:
Kind. Calm. Tender. Lenient. Soft. Merciful. Forgiving. Delicate. Mellow. Mild
…….and the annoyingly unattainable list goes on and on and on.
Definitely not attainable on a Tuesday morning…..
I also looked up some definitions of ‘gentle parenting’. Here is a particularly helpful one from www.positivepsychology.com:
Gentle parenting is an approach that….emphasizes the importance of fostering a safe, nurturing environment that meets children’s emotional needs while also providing clear and consistent boundaries.
It seeks to cultivate emotional intelligence and social skills in children. Unlike traditional parenting methods, which rely on rewards, incentives, and punishments, gentle parenting seeks to address the root cause of misbehavior by helping children develop their self-regulation skills and understand the impact and consequences of their actions.
In the grander scheme of things, the single word ‘gentle’ does not do justice to this comprehensive definition. Can you imagine trying to foster the kind of environment described in this definition, while at the same time showing up as lenient, delicate, merciful, mellow and mild?
Given all the funny memes protesting against gentle parenting, it is possible that we have misinterpreted the word gentle to mean permissive, soft-voiced, always calm and zen-like.
And therein lies the problem with gentle parenting. The expectation that we have to always respond in a calm, gentle and unruffled manner in spite of how our children are showing up. With that expectation comes guilt, shame and condemnation from the notion that you have failed as a parent, when you do not gentle-parent.
On the other hand, we do not want to swing to the other extreme, where harsh, punitive and coercive means are used to get children to ‘behave’. We all agree that these methods no longer work, given the kind of environment we are raising our children in.
So now?
Here is what I think…..rather than the term ‘gentle’, I advocate for Conscious Parenting…which encourages YOU, the parent to cultivate YOUR self-awareness, to intentionally explore YOUR own triggers and reactions to your child’s behaviors. Conscious Parenting invites you to be aware of your own triggers and patterns, with the hope that OVER TIME, you can stop repeating ineffective patterns that you have learned from your past experiences. You then end up bringing more compassion and connection to your parenting experiences.
And your children respond to you better when they feel connected to you.
Over the years, I have worked with hundreds of parents to help them BEcome more conscious and connected to their children, enabling them to maintain their voice of influence in the context of a healthy relationship.
I have put together my research and experiences into digestible lessons that you can apply on the go. Over the next couple of months, I will be releasing these lessons in a carefully curated series of Masterclasses.
For now, it gives me immense pleasure to unveil my very first MasterClass series - Conscious Discipline - on Thursday 29th August, 2024 at 730pm EAT, designed to equip you with the tools to Navigate Discipline with Confidence.
If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed by the challenges of discipline or wondered how you can maintain your voice of influence without resorting to harsh measures, this MasterClass is for you.
What You’ll Discover in This FREE 90-Minute Session:
🔍 Common Misconceptions About Discipline: We’ll unpack the myths that have kept many parents stuck in cycles of misbehavior. You’ll get to evaluate your own beliefs about discipline, empowering you to become more self-aware and confident in your approach.
🛠️ Practical Strategies: We’ll explore everyday methods like time-outs, grounding, and even yelling—analyzing why they work or don’t work and how you can adapt these strategies to suit your unique situation.
🤔 To Spank or Not to Spank: The debate continues, but contrary to popular opinion, not all research is against spanking. We will discover what research FOR or AGAINST spanking recommends, and how you can customise these recommendations to best suit your unique parenting situation.
Ready to Transform Your Approach to Discipline?
Don’t miss out on this opportunity to gain insights and tools that you can apply immediately in your parenting journey.
Join me on Thursday 29th August, 2024 at 730pm EAT for this FREE Session on Conscious Discipline by clicking on the link shared below to sign up.
