Discipline is an area of turmoil for many parents…..and discipline issues come high on the list of parenting dilemmas. Most parents are uncomfortable with discipline, and it is not surprising, because this is not a space that comes naturally for most of us.
How can we best teach the lessons that we want to teach without the constant yelling, reminding, repeating, time outs, pinching, spanking or taking away privileges? How can we silence the constant worry about what will happen during teenage years, whether we are too extreme or too easy with our discipline and how to ensure we integrate firmness and kindness?
Sometimes our biggest obstacle to disciplining effectively is our mistaken understanding of what discipline really is. Today, let me share my understanding of Discipline, and invite you to consider this perspective as you navigate your discipline moments.
When you perform a google search on the synonyms of discipline you are likely to come across words such as preparation, cultivate, reprimand, order, direct, control, systematic, coach, repetition, train, practice, drill, nurture and so on…Is it possible that there is more to discipline than we have believed?
Let us unpack Discipline from a Stawi point of view…….
Discipline as LEARNING
The word “discipline” originates from the Latin words “instruction” and” to “learn. Discipline is LEARNING. I want you to take a moment and think about EVERYTHING that characterizes a learning environment. Whether your child is throwing a tantrum, back-talking, forgetting their homework at home, spending too much time on the screen, getting into trouble at school… The question to ask is - has this child been trained?. Think about any and every behavior your child is exhibiting. A misbehaving child is an untrained child. What is the skills gap?
Discipline as a PROCESS
Learning is a process that is continuous, so there is no one time that you can say you are done disciplining your child and move on. You must allow time for improvement and progress. And parents, time is key when it comes to process. I welcome you to reflect…how much time have I allowed for the lesson to sink? Remember, childhood is not your opportunity to harvest the fruit. This is your time to cultivate, to water the plant, to nurture and this is a process. Be a Farmer Parent and focus on the process.
Discipline as a DISCIPLE
The root word in discipline is ‘disciple’, which can be understood as a verb or a noun. As a verb, it means to guide, teach, lead, model, encourage, train, bring up, nurture. Being a Disciple is FUNDAMENTAL to disciplining. Think about it. Who is your child observing? Who are the role models in their space? What are they soaking in from their environment? Have you been guiding? Have you been encouraging? Have you been modeling the behavior you’d like to see?
I believe that when we have a broader view of discipline, we are in a better position to handle it with calm, confidence and purpose.
So, this is how we define Discipline at Stawi:
Discipline is everything a parent does consciously to create a conducive environment for a child to learn.
What do you think of our definition of Discipline? Do you need help redefining discipline? Sign up for the Stawi Champions Parenting Program today for more guidance on disciplining your children with confidence and calmness in the 21st century!